If you are reading this, you have survived the Mayan Apocalypse.
I don’t want to brag or anything, but that was the tenth Apocalypse I have
survived.
2012 is just a memory now. Wow, I have to say, it has been
one of the craziest years I have ever lived through, from pink slime to
politics (some would say a different kind of slime), to bad weather and gun
tragedies. So much reality going on, I thought I would start 2013 on a lighter
note, and share my top 25 things I have written, heard, or borrowed in 2012:
1.
The difference in our grandmother's kitchen and
our kitchens:
Our
grandmothers put their pies on the windowsill to cool. We put our pies on the windowsill to thaw.
2.
Stefani, I don't mind going to work. It's that
eight-hour wait to go home that bugs me. And by the way, just remember, I don’t
work on days that end with Y.
3.
Seriously, one day I am going to retire and live
off my savings. What I am going to do the second day I have no idea!
4.
Speaking of savings, my bank lets me send a text
message, and it'll text back with my balance. It's a cool feature, but I don’t
think the LOL is necessary.
5.
When I wake up each morning, I want to be so
full of Jesus that when a mosquito bites me, he goes away singing, "There
is Power in the blood!”
6.
Am I the only one who watches their garage door
close completely just in case a murderer rolls under there at the last minute?
7.
I think they should offer free bungee jumps for
Congress, no strings attached.
8.
I've never been skydiving, but I have zoomed in
on Google Earth really, really fast.
9.
I just bought another 8-pack of toilet paper. Well,
that's another $10 down the toilet.
10. A
friend in our Sunday School Class asked Sammy, “What are you doing after
church?”
Sammy replied, “I
am doing what the little voices inside Vicki’s head tell me to do.”
11. Everyone
else can have runny noses, their eyes shut, or food in their teeth, but if I
look skinny, it is a GREAT group
photo.
12. Most
awkward moment – when I was checking in the window of the car parked beside me to
see if my lipstick was smeared and realized there was someone inside.
13. I
went to the Kwik Chek this morning and asked for $5 worth of gas. The clerk
burped and handed me a receipt.
14. Dear
Lord, please forgive me for the words I said in hunger!
15. Every
guy thinks a girl’s perfect dream is to meet the perfect guy. Psh! Every girl’s
dream is to eat whatever they want and not get fat.
16. How
would you diagnose a woman who walks back and forth screaming at the top of her
lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next? Manic
depressive? No, she's probably a basketball coach!
17. You
can tell a lot from a woman’s hands. If they are around your neck, you have
probably ticked her off.
18. Marriage
– betting someone half your stuff that they will love you forever.
19. Whatever
you do, always give 100% . . . unless you are donating blood.
20. The
Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick-flick– two women trying to kill each other
over shoes!
21. Don’t
get your knickers in a knot . . . it does not solve anything and makes you sit
funny.
22. I
got gas yesterday for $1.79 – gotta love pinto beans.
23. Sammy
says if a man says he'll fix it; he will. There is no need to remind him every
6 months about it.
24. It
is important to have a twinkle in your wrinkles.
25. Life is short – smile while you
still have teeth.
